Tag Archives: friendship

THE MOTHER OF ALL MELTDOWNS- Virtual Blog Tour

7 Nov

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I recently had the honor, and I do mean honor, of being selected to participate in The Mother of all Meltdowns virtual blog tour. (Click on the title to purchase the book on Amazon.) Author Crystal Ponti has joined forces with 30 other fantastic, well known bloggers to recount their most memorable mother meltdown moments. If you’re a mom, if you’re a friend of a mom, a dad, if you are the child of a mom…you NEED to read this book. I found myself so totally absorbed within the first few minutes of starting it that I was surprised when my 3 year old daughter suddenly stuck her nose in front of my Tab, looking up at me with concern on her face, and asked why there were tears in my eyes? “Are you crying mommy? Why are you laughing and crying mommy?” She was completely confused. “Just reading a good story Ginger.” “A good story” is a total understatement. It was like these women had wandered, unbeknownst to me, into the confines of my head. Like they had been sitting front and center to the stage that had held some of my meltdowns. They had been where I had been. Of course, my 3 year old wouldn’t understand all of THAT. I couldn’t tell her “Well Ginger, see you kids drive mommy crazy sometimes and sometimes all you can do is sit back and hysterically laugh to the point of tears at the fact that you are not the only one being slowly driven to insanity some days.” “A good story” was the short and sweet answer. Satisfied, she wandered away and I was left alone for 20 more minutes to read a few more chapters. In my opinion, if you can laugh and cry within the first few pages of a book? You have gotten all of your moneys worth and more. There is no such thing as the perfect mom. Some days our houses are messy, our dinners are over cooked, okay… burned…I was trying to be nice there, our clothes are pj’s, and the laundry may be rewashed 3 times before making it into the dryer. Some days…mothers have meltdowns. But no matter what, our children are always loved.

As part of the virtual blog tour some of the authors have complied a list of Q & A’s for their readers.

What color is a meltdown?

“Black…by the time I am in a full blown meltdown mode, I feel the depths of despair. I feel like I just can’t fix it.” ~ Michelle Nahom, A Dish of Daily Life

“Clear. Like the color of vodka.” ~ Danielle Herzog, Martinis and Minivans

“I would say that depends on the nature of the meltdown. If it is an angry meltdown, it would be bright red. If it is a sad meltdown, then deep blue. Sometimes, there is even a meltdown born from panic. That one would be neon green.” ~ Lisa Witherspoon, The Golden Spoons

What comes to mind when you hear the word ‘meltdown’?

“Puddles…big puddles of kids (or moms) on the floor. You have to be very careful about stepping around the meltdown or you might get caught up in it. Kinda like quicksand, I guess.” ~ Rabia Lieber, The Liebers

“Someone curled up in the fetal position hiding in a corner. Or so I’ve heard.” ~ Jennifer Barbour, Another Jennifer
“Yelling and crying and ending up in a big heap of someone that you don’t recognize as yourself.” ~ AnnMarie Gubenko, Tidbits from the Queen of Chaos

What was your story about?

“My story was about the holiday havoc that went down in history. My son was sick, but we brought him to my parents’ house to celebrate Christmas anyway. Little did we know that we were about to set off a massive family flu pandemic. I was so stressed out from taking care of everyone that I ended up fainting! (One of my friends actually thought I made my story up…but I swear on the lives of my children, it’s 100% true. Sad…but true.)” ~ Marie Bollman, Make Your Own Damn Dinner

“My story is about how an ordinary day can go off the rails and head towards a meltdown before you realize it. Starting out with locking my keys in the car, and ending with my kids not doing the thing I’ve asked them (nagged them??) to do constantly. Meltdown city!” ~ Angela Keck, Writer Mom’s Blog

“It’s what REALLY happens when you find out your pregnant. From taking four pregnancy tests at once, to then driving directly to the OBGYN’s office holding my pee sticks; it was the meltdown before the baby was even born.” ~ Danielle Herzog, Martinis and Minivans

What did you like best about working on The Mother of All Meltdowns project?

“Hands down, my favorite part was getting to know all of the other collaborators and feeling less alone in my insanity!” ~ Rabia Lieber, The Liebers

“I loved being part of a group of terrific authors, bloggers and mothers! We come from all over the country and have different kinds of blog, yet we all have so much in common with each other, including our meltdowns.” ~ Ginny Marie, Lemon Drop Pie

“I loved putting together my story and realizing that it was just one part of a much bigger project. The most fun part of the project was when I got that first draft and read through all the stories and really got a sense of how it was all coming together.” ~ Karen B., Baking In A Tornado

What advice do you have for other mothers who melt from time-to-time?

“The next time you’re in a long check-out line, look at the person in front of you and know they’ve had a meltdown. Look at the person behind you and know they’ve had a meltdown. Go home and reread The Mother of All Meltdowns. You are not alone.” ~ Karen B., Baking In A Tornado

“Don’t pretend you can handle it all. If you’re stressed, talk about it. Motherhood is the toughest job there is. We can only get through it with the support of others who are going through it too. It’s okay not to be perfect, it’s okay to lose your cool, it’s okay to talk about it. We’re all in this together.” ~ Marie Bollman, Make Your Own Damn Dinner

“Meltdowns happen. I remember my mom (and dad) having meltdowns, and I do the same thing they did after blowing up at their kids. After we calm down, I take my kids in my arms and we cuddle, read a story, say we’re sorry and that we love each other.” ~ Ginny Marie, Lemon Drop Pie

What is your favorite story in the book? Why?

“Oh, there’s no way I could pick a favorite. I’d probably pick a different one depending on my mood throughout the day. That’s the beauty of the book. There are so many perspectives. At least one story will speak to you at any given time!” ~ Jennifer Barbour, Another Jennifer

“Do I really have to pick just one? I truly found myself nodding along with each one. Even if it was an occasion, like a teenager getting her driver’s, that I haven’t experienced yet, I still could understand the emotions. If I had to narrow it down, though, my two favorites were probably “A Dresser Full” by Ginny Marie (because I have TOTALLY been there with my daughter, too) and “The great Powdered Sugar Fight of 2007” by Marcia Kester Doyle (because it is a more joyful meltdown that actually sounded kind of fun!).” ~ Lisa Witherspoon, The Golden Spoons

“Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jennifer Barbour of Another Jennifer is one of my favorites because I can relate to trying to stay calm in public but then unleashing the frustration the minute you’re alone. Plus, I love a mom that admits she dropped the f-bomb since I’ve uttered that very word in a meltdown or two.” ~ AnnMarie Gubenko, Tidbits from the Queen of Chaos

Why should people buy the book?

“It’s freeing in a way. It makes you realize you aren’t alone. When you lose it, you feel like you’re the only one. But the reality is, we all have our moments. When we have a meltdown, it’s not just one thing that sets it off…it’s usually a series of events.” ~ Michelle Nahom, A Dish of Daily Life

“These stories could be shared by your best girlfriends sitting around a coffee shop and that’s exactly how it reads. It feels like you are sharing your worst moments with a group of women who totally get it. We could all use a little community in our lives and the feeling that we’re not on our own.” ~ Melissa Galileo, Completely Eclipsed

“To read talented writing! And just as importantly, I think if you are a parent, or you’re going to be a parent, or you had a parent, (so that makes everyone) you will be able to relate to these stories. Each one is unique and there are obviously many incidents that set us off into the land of meltdowns. It’s nice to get perspective because the 30 writers of our book tell very different stories, and each one is powerful in its own right.” ~ Tamara Bowman, Tamara (Like) Camera Blog

If you could associate any one song with the word meltdown, what would it be and why?

“I would choose “I’m Sexy And I Know It” – I have to keep telling myself that when I have a Goldfish stuck on my ass and spit up in my hair.” ~ Danielle Herzog, Martinis and Minivans

“I never thought about a song for meltdowns, first one that comes to mind is Hysteria by Def Leppard because a meltdown is definitely becoming hysterical! (And you’re welcome because I’m sure the song is now stuck in your head…)” ~ Angela Keck, Writer Mom’s Blog

“I can’t help thinking about “End of the World” by R.E.M. Just when he starts going off and singing all of those lyrics very fast and even if you Google the lyrics, you can’t quite repeat what he’s saying? That’s totally it for me.” ~ Tamara Bowman, Tamara (Like) Camera Blog

What made you want to contribute to The Mother of All Meltdowns?

“I think in some ways, it allowed me to look back on that time with fresh eyes and see what I learned from it. I think getting away from the stress would have been helpful for me. It’s not as if I didn’t have the support. My in laws live next door, and they were a tremendous help. But I was in a tunnel…my stress level was over the top at that point. Going through this also gave me a new respect for how precious life really is.” ~ Michelle Nahom, A Dish of Daily Life

“Honestly, I was a little intimidated at first because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share my worst moment! What would people think? Then, I realized that I would love to read other mothers’ real stories of the challenges of motherhood and how it overwhelmed them sometimes. The great part is that we also share how we overcame the meltdowns. Being a part of such a talented group of writers was also a no brainer!” ~ Jennifer Barbour, Another Jennifer

“Several things made me want to contribute. For one thing, when I saw the list of others who would be contributing, I knew I was in excellent company and felt honored to be included on the project with them. I also liked the idea of the project – sharing our worst moments; laughing at ourselves a little, and, hopefully, offering some comfort to other mothers. Finally, I won’t lie – the knowledge that something I wrote was actually going to be published for the whole world to read was incredibly exciting (and it still is!).” ~ Lisa Witherspoon, The Golden Spoon

What’s next for you?

“I’ve been working on a couple of articles for Queen Latifah’s website, and one has been published already. Another story of mine will be in the book Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Dating Game, coming out in December. And of course, I’ll be writing on my blog, LemonDropPie.com. If Crystal has a follow-up project for The Mother of All Meltdowns, I’m in! It has been such a pleasure to be a part of this book.” ~ Ginny Marie, Lemon Drop Pie

“I’m writing a memoir about the letters my grandmother and I wrote to each other for over a decade. It’s the story of my life weaved through our correspondence. It’s her words of advice and wisdom she shared with me during my clueless thirty-something years of life.” ~ Danielle Herzog, Martinis and Minivans

“I’ll just keep muddling my way through motherhood and blogging about all my misadventures at Make Your Own Damn Dinner.” ~ Marie Bollman, Make Your Own Damn Dinner

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I used to wonder if she would ever have friends.

29 May

As I waited at school with Oli after her therapy, a remarkable thing happened. I watched my daughter interact with two little girls in her kindergarten class. Oli isn’t in her kindergarten class regularly. She is in an FLC (functional learning class). She does attend music twice a week with them and has gone on a field trip with their class.

What I witnessed today at her school…will never be forgotten.

To the little girls I watched in the elementary school hallway, this letter is for you.

Dear little girls,

I watched you today as you walked past us. You were lined up with your class on the way to the library. You looked over towards the entrance and stared at Oli, walking in with me. She was holding my hand, shaking her head, flapping her other hand and humming loudly.

I don’t think you were staring at those things though.

You were staring at your friend as she returned to school.

You both ran excitedly up to her calling her name. “Oli! Oli! It’s Oli! Hi Oli! How are you?”

You touched her arm, leaned in close and said hi again. Then each of you took turns hugging my girl.

You talked to her, touched her and hugged her like you were her best friends. Like she belonged with you. Like you never even noticed that she was any different from you.

It seemed like you didn’t notice that she couldn’t share secrets with you, play like other kids or run and jump on the playground.

Those things didn’t matter to you.

You just treated her like she was your friend.

You didn’t see her face light up behind your back as your arms were wrapped tightly around her. You didn’t see the peace in her hands as she gently ran them down your braid. You didn’t see the light radiate from her smile as you talked to her.

I saw.

You didn’t see the tears well up in my eyes either.

You won’t know how I will forever treasure that moment.

You see girls, when you have a child that is born different from other children, you have certain fears. Certain things that absolutely terrify you. You pray with all of your heart and dream that it will be different and that your fears will not become her reality.

You fear that other kids will be mean to your child. You fear the bullies and the hateful words that can spew from heartless people. You fear that your child won’t have any friends.

You dream that people will understand her. You dream that kids will look past her differences and treat her with compassion and understanding. You dream that your child will never walk the halls, eat lunch or play at recess alone.

As I watched you with Oli today, I saw that everything that I have ever dreamt for her…was standing right before me. It was present in the quiet voices, the gentle touch and the shy smiles that took place between the three of you.

It was present in your friendship.

You’ll never understand what you have done for me today. I don’t even think you’ll understand what you have done for Oli.

I understand though. I know what it means to have children who love her for who she is.

If my daughter grows up around children like you…she will NEVER feel apart from. She will ALWAYS feel a part of.

In your single act of kindness, something that you didn’t even think twice of before acting on, you have erased some of my fears.

I will sleep well tonight, little girls.

I will sleep well knowing that my daughter is not alone and that she has people like you to walk beside her.

Thank you.

From the bottom of my heart…

Thank you.

*tears* Oli has friends.

A Phone Call I Won’t Forget

8 Mar

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On Saturday May 9, 2009 I got one of the few phone calls that I will never forget. How do I remember the specific date? Because we were celebrating Oli’s 2nd birthday.

We were having some family and friends over to the house to celebrate Oli’s special day. We were just getting ready for everyone to arrive when my cell phone rang.

“Hello?” I didn’t recognize the number on the display.

“Hi. My name is Bridget. I got your number from Tanya from the Albert Einstein Medical Center. I’m 22 weeks pregnant with my first child and I was recently told that they suspect that she has microphthalmia. I know you have a daughter with micro and I just had some questions and wanted to talk.”

It seemed like all of the breath was expelled from my lungs in one quick whoosh. My heart dropped to my stomach and the moment became imprinted in my memory. This woman was going to have a baby girl just like my Oli. I was one of the first people she reached out to. I knew how terrifying those first few weeks were when Oli was born. I remember searching for just one person who knew what I was going through. I found that one person and I still remember my phone call with her. Now I got to be that person. I got to offer another mother the same compassion and understanding that was offered to me.

I wished I could reach right through the phone and wrap my arms around this stranger.

“Where are you?” I asked.

“We’re just outside Austin, TX.” She answered.

Now, I was stilling living in Pahrump, NV at this time. Seth and I hadn’t even discussed moving yet. Well…we had discussed it, but we didn’t know where we were moving to yet.

Fate, strange coincidence? I don’t know. I find it eerie that we ended up moving about an hour away from Bridget just a little over 5 months later. We’re still friends, although she has since moved away to be closer to her family in St. Louis, MO.

“I’m so glad that you called me! I would love to talk with you about Oli and help you in any way I can.”

I remember carrying the phone into my bedroom, mouthing “another A/M (anophthalmia/microphthalmia) mom to my husband, and closing the door. I sat on my bed and asked Bridget to tell me her story. How she found out, what she knew about micro, and most importantly, how she was feeling. I remember she sounded scared, lost, and overwhelmed. But, she had something in her voice that I had been missing. Something that I pretended to have, but always fell short of achieving.

She had faith in her voice.

A lot of babies born with microphthalmia have some sort of vision. If the eyes are not too underdeveloped they may have some usable vision or light perception. Sometimes only one eye is affected and the other eye is normal. If the micro is severe enough, then the kids don’t usually have any sight and sometimes even when the micro eyes are not severe, there is no vision because other structures are involved. Like underdeveloped optic nerves. Basically….one just never knows until the babies show us that they can see or not. Anophthalmia means the eye is missing completely. This also can affect only one eye, the other being normal, or it can happen in both eyes. You would think that the kids with bilateral anophthalmia would not have any vision at all. You would think that they would be 100% blind because, well…because they are missing their eyes. Not true. I have heard of some kids with anophthalmia in both eyes and these children display signs of having light perception. You just never, ever know. You cannot say with any certainty that a baby is blind until they absolutely prove to you that they are.

When Bridget went in for a routine ultrasound the tech noticed that her baby’s eyes seemed small. Upon further testing/measuring the eye sockets they realized that they were really small. Although, no one knew the extent of the underdeveloped eye sockets. They wouldn’t know for sure until her baby was born.

For a long time after Oli was born I would think about what it would have been like if I had known about Oli’s eyes before she was born. Most people don’t know until birth because eye measurement just isn’t something they do with a routine ultrasound. They only do it if the tech notices that the baby’s eyes look small. I can make arguments about which would have been better for me, knowing or not knowing.

On one hand, I’m glad that I didn’t know because I got to enjoy my pregnancy. As much as I can enjoy being pregnant, which is not very much. I didn’t dread her delivery or have to worry about what would happen afterwards. For people like me, this was a very good thing. My mind has a hard time staying in today as well as suffering from constant abuse from my nemesis, Gertrude. That little old lady would have made my life a living hell in the months before her birth. If I would have known I would have been plagued by a constant rush of bad scenarios and terrible outcomes running through my head.

On the other hand, if I would have known, maybe I would have been better prepared. Maybe I could have talked to another A/M mom before she was born. Maybe it would have helped. Maybe not? Maybe I would have been paralyzed with fear and raging pregnancy hormones. Maybe….

Now it doesn’t really matter. Not knowing is just part of my story.

I talked with Bridget for a long time that warm day in May. I tried not to let my sadness or my fear for her creep into my voice that day. I tried to just listen and offer her whatever I had that might give her some peace. The truth is…Bridget already had it. Although I’m sure that she was scared, she already had a sense of peace about her because Bridget had faith in something bigger. Faith that her baby would be born exactly as God had intended and she knew that her baby would be well taken care of.

Her baby girl was born in September 2009. She has bilateral anophthalmia. She is totally blind.

And she perfectly named her baby….Faith.

If you want to read more about Bridget and her sweet Faith go to www.superbabyfaith.com

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What did I do before Facebook?

4 Feb

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: “What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”

― C.S. Lewis

As I struggled to understand what the doctors were telling me, looking up every unfamiliar word, phrase, and condition, I was also furiously searching the Internet for other families who had kids with Oli’s condition.

There had to be more of us out there! Where were they? This was pre-facebook when it was not as easy to find people or support.

Finally I stumbled across a Yahoo online support group for families of anophthalmic/microphthalmic children. I submitted a request to join the group explaining that I had a one month old daughter with the condition.

I was silently begging this woman on the other side of the country….

Please, please accept me. Please tell me that you can help and that you understand.

I received an email the next day telling me to follow the link to the online forum. I waited until everyone in the house was sleeping before I went back online.

With the darkness of the house surrounding me I was looking into a new light, a new hope via my small computer screen.

I clicked on the link and walked into a whole new world. A world in which my child was no longer a small minority with a strange condition. A place where I was no longer just one mom alone on this foreign voyage. I had found the hope and the sense of community that I had been looking for.

I read through numerous conversation links and looked at handfuls of photographs of children who looked like my Oli. Beautiful children with positive and inspirational parents who told me not to be discouraged. They told me that they too lived my story. My life, her life, her future was not to be without hope. I could be myself with them. I could be angry, express my grief, my sense of loss. I could tell them about the strange looks that people gave my daughter. I could tell them how annoyed I was when people thought Oli was sleeping because she couldn’t really open her eyes. They understood because they too had the same experiences.

They knew me and they knew my struggles. I never had to pretend with these women. In the months to come I clung to my computer screen in the darkness and welcomed that light. I asked many questions and always received honest and compassionate answers. I found friendship in a most unlikely place. With women I would never meet. Most of them have never heard the sound of my voice, invited me over for coffee or out to lunch. Most of them were just names on the computer screen. But, those women knew me in those early days. They knew me better than some of my closest friends because I told them how I really felt.

I never told them that I was fine.

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