What would you do if your child was born with a disability?
Would you run away? Fight it with everything you had? Or just accept it and move on? I have done all 3 on my journey to obtain my special needs mother hat.
I gave birth to my second child, Oli in May of 2007. My son, Koa was 17 months old. I was like most mothers and just expected to pop out a healthy baby girl and be on my merry way. Happily ever after…butterflies and roses…sunshine everyday…
That’s not exactly what happened. My baby girl was born blind.
I couldn’t believe it. She had been born without eyes. How could this have happened?
I believed in God, went to college…twice, had a good job, paid my taxes, never been arrested, I was a good person dammit! What had I done wrong? Had I pissed off God so royally that He was now punishing me? Was I some kind of outlaw, misfit, showering atrocities on the population in another life? How did this happen to me? I didn’t sign up for this. I signed up for “perfect” extraordinary children. I loved my little girl immediately, but I knew that I was in trouble. I never in a million years anticipated having anything other than a “normal” child.
When Oli was born I didn’t recognize that wanting an extraordinary child can mean exactly the kind of child that I was now charged with caring for. She was not ordinary at all.
I have since learned the value of raising such a complex person. I have learned that despite my anger, denial, self-hatred and questions of what I had done wrong, I began to grow beyond the conforms of what I thought I was and exceed all possible expectations of what I thought I could become.
I learned that because my daughter is so different from me that is what I love the most, not in spite of it.
I started a blog when Oli was born called Baby Oli. I tried to convince everyone that it was fine, she was fine, and I was fine. I was not fine. I was in agony. That blog was full of deception and flat out lies.
This blog is 100% genuine and 100% true. It is a completely heartfelt and honest account of my life after Oli.
My name is Shannon and this is my story.