Well…WTF? Really? ANOTHER person that wants to bash on facebook? Why? Is there a point to this? Is it to hurt my feelings? Is it because they just don’t think about what they’re writing before they hit “post”? Maybe they speak a foreign language and what they typed in their language was super sappy and nice and then facebook messed it up and translated hate. No. That’s probably a little far fetched.
When I started this Oli page back in December of last year I never thought anyone would really be on it. I invited my facebook friends, told my mom about it, and that’s it. The only reason I started the thing was so that I wouldn’t annoy my friends by publishing my blog every day.
Back then I used to publish a blog post every single day. Back when I was writing Oli’s story. But then I got caught up in the whole facebook page craze. People that I didn’t even know started liking the page and reading the blog. I became more and more afraid of the people that I didn’t know that were reading my words, seeing my pictures….judging my girl.
At least that was my fear.
You know what?
People WEREN’T judging my girl.
People were LOVING her!
So I gained some confidence. I grew bolder. I started posting more, sharing more. I even posted a picture of Oli without her prosthetic eyes in.
Holy crap that scared the daylights out of me!!
But no one told me that it was gross. No one told me that she looked scary or ugly.
You know what people told me?
They told me the truth about Oli. They told me what I already knew.
They told me that she was beautiful no matter what.
They told me that no matter how her eyes looked, she was gorgeous.
They told me that no matter how much she struggled, how much progress she made, how much she didn’t make…that she was perfect.
People just reinforced everything that I had already believed about her.
As time went on and more people found the page, I would feel that fear again in my heart. That fear that stems from the day that Oliana was first born. The day that the doctor looked at me with ice in his heart and blackness in his eyes and announced that my daughter was NEVER going to look like everyone else. When he met my tear filled eyes will a flat dead look in his own and the words “She was born without eyes” rolled off his lips, that fear took hold deep in my chest and has never fully receded.
I’ve learned to deal with the fear. I’ve learned what my own truth is and how to handle situations with other people who may not find Oli as perfect as I do.
But every once in awhile, when I am sitting high up in myself, a single hurtful comment about her sweeps me into one of my lowest, darkest valley’s. It sweeps me to the deepest part where that fear thrives.
Facebook is a strange thing. It’s both wonderful because there are so many people and stories that leave me feeling full of hope, inspiration, and admiration, and it is hateful, hurtful, and awful. Because there are lots of both types of people in the world.
In my everyday life it’s easy to surround myself with love and support. Even going out in public has become less of a traumatic event. When Oli was a baby I used to hide her in her car seat to avoid the stares and the hurtful comments about her eyes.
I’m sensitive. What can I say?
A 6 year old? Not so easy to hide in a car seat.
And I don’t WANT to hide her anymore. Oli has taught me that beauty really does like INSIDE of us and not on the outside. I’ve learned to avoid the stares. I’ve somehow learned to decipher curiosity from the judgments. I KNOW she’s beautiful and that’s all that matters.
On facebook? I can’t just avert my eyes. I can’t unread a comment. I wish I could. I wish that “ban” button came with an “unread and erase from memory” button.
But it doesn’t.
So I get upset.
I get upset, not even with the people who choose to make fun of or hate on ME. I’m an adult. Not everyone is going to like me or agree with me. That part I’m okay with. It stings, but I quickly get over it.
It’s when people start saying hateful things about my daughter that I can’t just get over it.
But here’s the thing… Here’s the truth…
There are SO many people that LOVE Oli. That have nothing but positive, hope filled, lovely, AMAZING things to say about her.
Over 2600 people that do nothing but become inspired by her.
I let 1 person get to me. 1 person who had something negative to say about her.
I let that 1 person take away all of the good in one single instant.
I let all of my hard work become undone in a moment of time.
That makes me even more angry!
I posted on facebook that I was going to take a break from the page for a bit to get my head back on straight. I do need to do that. I need to remember why I started this blog and the page.
I started it not to win everyone over. Not to become popular. Not for compliments or anything else.
I started it for Oli.
I started it so that I could share her story and maybe reach one other person going through the same thing.
I started it so that someone else out there may not feel so alone.
I started it to give other people hope. To let other people know that anything is possible if you just don’t give up. If you believe in yourself and believe in your children.
I started it so that I could show people that you don’t have to use your child’s diagnosis as any excuse NOT to do something. Use it as an inspiration to do EVERYTHING.
Thank you for reminding me of that with all of your comments tonight.
Thank you for reminding me to get my head out of my ass, and to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Thank you for reminding me that I shouldn’t let one person stop me from doing what I wanted to do with this thing.
Tonight really through me for a loop for two reasons.
One because that comment just totally caught me off guard and two because all of the support that you guys have given not just Oli, but me too.
I couldn’t believe it when I picked up my phone and saw over 100 people had commented on my status.
And every single one of them was telling me not to give up.
So I won’t.
I never have before and I sure don’t want to start now.
I never ever want it to be an option for Oli to give up just because something is difficult. I don’t ever want to set that example, so I won’t do it here. I won’t do it anywhere. I have to lead by example and one way to do that is to just keep moving forward.
Here, we put one foot in front of the other and just keep moving forward.
Some days that’s all you can do right?!