I drive my husband nuts.

23 Apr

(Back to my Oli story…)

I woke up one morning at the end of July 2009, to a request to pack my suitcase.

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“I can’t tell you, just pack some clothes. Oh, and can you pack for the kids too?” My husband looks at me sheepishly.

“How am I supposed to pack for everyone if I don’t know where we are going? I will only pack if you tell me what I am packing for.” I reply in my true party pooper nature.

“We are going somewhere for your 30th birthday. If you want that surprise that you say that I never treat you to, you will close your mouth and just pack. Please. Be a nice girl and just pack and don’t make me ruin it for you.” My husband begs me.

But, alas, I am never one to make things easy on him. I start guessing.

“Camping? We’re going camping aren’t we? I don’t want to go camping. I love it, but I didn’t imagine my birthday so full of mud and dirt and so NOT full of bathrooms and showers and fully cooked meals.”

“No. We’re not going camping.” Seth responds. “Go pack.”

“The mountains. We’re going to the mountains aren’t we? I don’t know about that? It might be cold at night and then Oli won’t sleep and then I’ll be grouchy and you’ll be grouchy and then it will just suck and I’ll want to come home because the children will make me crazy.” I’m imagining snow covered mountains at 3 am and watching a beautiful sunrise amongst other patients in the looney bin. All of us wrapped cozily in straight jackets being sent there by our lovely children and our husbands wayward attempts at disastrous surprise birthday trips.

“No. We’re not going to the mountains. Now just go pack! Why do you have to make this so difficult?”

“Because that’s just me and that’s why you love me.” I reply with a sweet smile and a voice dripping with sarcasm.

“Are we going to Hawaii? I LOVE Hawaii! That would be the best birthday present ever! I could totally handle mud, dirt, non sleeping children and the looney bin in Hawaii! Let’s go there!”

“You’re not going to play nice are you? You’re going to make me tell you.” He smiles despite his annoyance because he knows me so well and had been planning on telling me the whole time.

“No and yes. No I won’t play nice and yes I will make you tell me.”

He shrugs and lets out an over embellished sigh. “Okay. If that’s what you want my darling, annoying, party pooper wife. We’re going to California. I rented a house for 3 days on the beach. Happy?”

“Yay! Yes! Yes I’m happy! I love California! Now I’ll go pack. What should I bring? What if it’s too hot? What if the kids get sunburned? I need lots of sunscreen. Did you pack the beach umbrella? Do we need to pack food for the house before or after we get there? Should I wear my blue bikini or my red one? Good thing I’m not showing with this baby yet. What about clothes for at night? It gets cool at night. Should I pack coats for the kids? What are you bringing?”

“Aaaaaggghhh! Shannon! YOU are making ME crazy! I’M the one who will end up in the looney bin at the end of all this! Just GO PACK!”

I smile sweetly at him again. He loves me.

Maybe this whole turning 30 thing won’t be as bad as I thought. There is one thing that we do have to discuss while we’re gone. Something that has been running through my mind and keeping me up at night.

We need to move. We need to get out of Pahrump, NV.

We need to go some place that isn’t so isolated and has better services for Oli. I can’t stand the hour long drive to doctor appointments and the minimal therapy services she is receiving. We have to do better for her. We have to go someplace that can help her to learn and to thrive in this world as a blind child. We need to go where doctors understand her and therapists know how to teach someone who can’t see. Some place where she will not be an unusual case with an unknown condition.

I have to get out of this town. I feel like I’m drowning in a sea of uncertainty and suffocating on loneliness. I feel like if we could just get out and go someplace where people could help us, that it would all change. I wouldn’t feel like I was so weighed down by Oli’s disability and maybe I could learn to cope better. Maybe I would stop pretending that I was fine and I could start being honest. Maybe I would be able to tell someone that I hated this. I hated the fact that Oli wasn’t what I had imagined. Maybe I could tell someone that I was terrified of this baby that I was going to give birth to in 9 months. Maybe things would be different in a different place. Maybe I could let go of the hatred that I held for the way I felt. Maybe…Maybe I could just accept it and move on.

I’m thinking Texas. I’m thinking Austin, TX sounds like it would be a good place for my family. I hope my husband agrees… He’s going to get a surprise of his own this weekend.

Surprise honey! I want to move!

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3 Responses to “I drive my husband nuts.”

  1. donofalltrades April 23, 2013 at 5:49 pm #

    Yikes! There is something to be said about having the best services for your kids available when needed though! Good luck!

  2. tric April 23, 2013 at 9:47 pm #

    Ha ha. Your poor husband is going to get a lot more than he bargained for. I bought our present house without telling my husband! Maybe I’ll post about is someday, but it worked. You are right your now has changed. You need a re think.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Would Things Have Been Different? | I'm fine, but my Mommy has issues! - April 24, 2013

    […] Driving down to California that hot day in July, gave me a lot of time to reflect on what had happened during the previous 3 years. I started thinking about the year that I turned 27, 10 months before Oli was born. […]

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