I Suck At Being Pregnant

10 Mar

My baby, Ginger turned 3 years old yesterday. 3!! I can’t believe she’s not like 20 by now! It’s almost hard to believe there was a time in my life that I didn’t want one more baby.

The day after we found out that Oli was blind, I turned to my husband and said “Well that’s all folks! We have hit our limit! Time to turn in our baby making equipment.”

It’s hard to remember a time when Ginger wasn’t just hanging around the house, laughing, singing, and trying to be the center of attention.

When your baby turns 3 I hear that a lot of people get asked “Are you having any more?” I only hear these things because I have NEVER been asked that question. Rather, my family pleads, “Please. For the love of God. Pleeeeaaaase don’t have any more!”

You think it’s because I have Oli right?


It’s because I suck at being pregnant.

I mean I TOTALLY suck at it!!

I’m uncomfortable and sick and my back hurts and I’m grouchy and then I’m happy and I cry a lot and I’m tired and I’m paranoid and then it starts to feel like things are going to just fall right out of my girl parts and then I just start bitching at everyone.

Every once in a while (like maybe once every pregnancy) I love it. When the baby kicks I think “Wow! This is the coolest thing ever!” But, then I get kicked in the ribs or down in the no-no region and it feels like a foot is going to poke through down there and then I’m back to “Nope. This is horrible.”

I know that there are going to be some moms that read this and think “Well, I just don’t understand what she is talking about. I love being pregnant.When I’m pregnant I feel like I’m floating on air and riding on a unicorn surrounded by butterflies. I don’t even mind being sick and when I throw up I think that it’s amazing because it’s like I’m throwing up a little bit of heaven wrapped in nature’s love.”


Those moms might want to stop reading this post at this time because I’m about to bitch about it a whole lot more.

And then…then… you’re expected to give birth to them. Like being pregnant wasn’t torture enough, then you have to get them out of your body.

Oh. My. God.

It’s like something from a gruesome horror, alien, science fiction movie.

I had my 3 babies naturally. And by “natural” I do not in any way, shape, or form, mean that I had them drug-free. Oh HELL NO!! That’s just crazy talk. However, there did not seem to be enough drugs in the world for me not to feel completely mortified each and every time.

I mean that my doctor forced me to have them come out of my…you know where. (I hear that a C-section sucks even more so I’m glad that I didn’t have to do that.)

Before I had my first baby I was hoping that there was a way that I could get my doctor to just knock me out completely, do whatever he had to do to get the baby out without my knowing how he did it, and then just wake me up with a beautiful little baby in my arms.

Apparently they no longer birth babies this way and my doctor was in no mood for accepting my sobbing pleas or my attempts at bribery.

Soooo….I found myself at 38 weeks pregnant with my first child, lying on a hard table with wings attached to it, my legs propped up in the wings, exposing my nether regions to the entire audience, with a big Ziploc baggie thing under my bum, staring terrified at my doctor who was wearing a pair of safety goggles, SAFETY GOGGLES!, and a big hazmat looking plastic mask.


Just WHAT is about to happen?

I vowed right then that I was NEVER going to do this again.

But, I became a mom moments later so my forgettery kicked in. 17 months later I found myself in the exact same position thinking the exact same thing.

I’m never doing this again. How did I forget this part? This is awful!

It’s a good thing that childbirth comes with a quick forgetter when it comes to that part.

Otherwise my son would be an only child and I would be missing the other 2 absolute best, most wonderful parts of my life.

8 Responses to “I Suck At Being Pregnant”

  1. Dean B March 10, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

    I sucked at being pregnant too. I wasn’t singing the “pregnancy is a whole beautiful experience thing” other women seemed to be singing – I love being a mom though. My daughter will be turning 3 in August and I keep thinking I want another one – if only it were that easy though. Belated Happy Birthday to your daughter! All the best – D.

  2. Karen @ Folk Haven March 11, 2013 at 1:31 am #

    My son just turned three this past week, and I gave birth to his sister yesterday. And I can tell you she will be the last one because I also suck at being pregnant! I’m ever so happy to have both my children, but the only way I even survived this last pregnancy and yesterday’s labor and delivery was by repeating over and over to myself that this is the last time I will ever have to go through this!

    • mommyhasissues March 11, 2013 at 3:08 am #

      OMG!! Congratulations on your new baby girl!!!! I’m happy for you that it is over. Now you can get to the fun part:) Happy belated birthday to your son!

  3. rebecca2000 March 11, 2013 at 2:33 pm #

    I seem to have to be on bed rest when I am expecting.

    • mommyhasissues March 11, 2013 at 4:46 pm #

      I had to do that when I was pregnant with Oli. That also sucked. Looking back I would KILL to spent a month in bed. No housework, no cooking…watching TV, alone…nevermind. That didn’t suck at all!

      • rebecca2000 March 11, 2013 at 6:51 pm #

        Oh it sucked for me. I can’t stand to not leave the house.

  4. My Dance in the Rain March 25, 2013 at 12:28 pm #

    I loved being pregnant but not without those horrible moments. I had the high risk, bed rest and preeclampsia, diabetes and just plain miserable episodes. With my girls I looked like a witch, horrible they literally stole my looks their entire gestation and I was sick with both of them I mean literally sick including a ton of medication and bed rest through my whole 2nd and 3rd trimester. I get exactly where your coming from. If we did not have the ability to forget the experiences the human race would be doomed!

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