As long as nothing else is wrong…

29 Jan

“Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one’s weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.”

― Mahatma Gandhi

As we left the Nevada Blind Children’s Foundation that day I felt a little less alone. I finally met someone who knew what microphthalmia was. I still didn’t know what this would mean to my daughter but, I began to have that tiny seed of hope again.

The woman from the foundation told me that even though her son had bilateral microphthalmia and the doctors told them that he would be totally blind, he was actually able to see a little bit of red light. So maybe that was a possibility for Oli. Maybe she wouldn’t live in complete and total darkness. Maybe if I began to pray hard enough she would be given the gift of having some kind of light perception.

I began to once again direct my prayers toward Oliana having vision.

I didn’t realize then, that praying for someone to be given something, is not really how the whole prayer thing works. Although I was praying for her to have some sight, part of me was really praying for an easier life for myself. If she could see something, anything really, it would probably make this whole thing easier.

If she could see something she wouldn’t be among the small percentage of people who are totally blind. That small percentage that I had read about, many of whom are illiterate and unemployed. And if she wasn’t completely blind, I could probably still force her to fit into my little box of perfection.

As long as nothing else was wrong.

Many times I also prayed “God if she is going to be blind, let her just be blind. Please don’t let anything else be wrong.”

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One Response to “As long as nothing else is wrong…”

  1. Life's Unexpected Blessings February 6, 2013 at 12:49 pm #

    And yet there is nothing wrong with praying for the gift of sight for your child. I pray for my children’s health so much I sometimes think I must sound like a broken record. Wanting life to be easier for ourselves is not wrong either, we are in fact only human.

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