What did he just tell me?

22 Jan

imagesCATNWCFN

Seth left the next afternoon to go pick up my son Kekoa (he was 18 months old) from his Grandma’s house where he had been staying. The pediatrician, who was supposed to come and look at Oli in the morning, still had not shown up. A little while after Seth left, the doctor walked through the door.

“I’m just here to take a look at your baby.”

I sit up in the hospital bed anxiously awaiting his assurance that everything is fine. “Ok. I’m kind of worried about her eyes because she hasn’t opened them yet. I think they’re just swollen, you know because I had been in pre term labor awhile and I’m sure that stressed her out and probably caused some swelling, but I’m sure she’ll open them soon. Maybe later today or tomorrow. Do you think? I’m sure there’s nothing wrong. They’re just swollen. Right?”

He just looks at me like he’s mildly bored and somewhat irritated because I am rambling at this point. I tend to ramble and talk really fast when I’m nervous.

“Are you going to look at her eyes?” I ask. I am quickly losing patience with his non-committal attitude.

He is looking everywhere else besides her eyes. Her feet, legs, tummy, arms, nose, mouth. Taking his sweet time at it too, I must say. I just wanted to scream at him “TELL ME NOTHING IS WRONG WITH HER EYES YOU BIG JERK!!”

Finally he tries to open her eyes. Oli starts screaming her head off like he is trying to rip her eyelids apart. Which is essentially exactly what he was doing because they were literally fused together. After trying this for a minute he puts the blanket back over her, straightens up, looks at me and says,

“Well, I think she has either really small eyes, or no eyes at all and she will be completely blind. Microphthalmia is what it is called. Do you have any questions?”

My mouth is now gaping open, tears are pooling in my eyes, and I’m looking back at him with a mixture of astonishment and offence. Do I have any questions? Well let me see… I guess I have two. Where did you get your medical license and where do you live so I can come rip your heart out while you are sleeping. Like you just ripped out mine.

Did I have any questions? What a dumb question. Of course I had questions but, at that point I couldn’t even remember my own name let alone think of a way to put together a question out of the millions of thoughts racing through my head.

“I don’t know. Have you ever seen this before?”

“Once. 15 years ago. A little boy that had Fraisers Syndrome. We’ll have to check her kidneys. She might not have any kidneys.” He answers with a blank, emotionless expression.

Again I am staring at him with my mouth open. Did he just say what I think he said? No kidneys? That means death right? I mean, I am a nurse and I’m pretty sure no kidneys means death. Did he just tell me she might die?

“Ok then. I’ll order some tests and we’ll let you know.”

With that he promptly walked out of my hospital room leaving me alone with my new baby that I now thought might die.

Advertisements

One Response to “What did he just tell me?”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Mother’s Day Weekend « I'm fine, but my Mommy has issues! - January 26, 2013

    […] was going to have to break his heart like it had never been broken before. Damn that doctor for leaving me with this […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

thecrumbdiaries

Logan is challenged but not limited, and he is living his life like a boss. I am just lucky enough to be along for the ride.

Mommy Got Her Groove Back

How a new mom, and wife does parenting and daily life.

The Formerly Hot Housewife

weight loss, healing, and new self discoveries

Lessons from my daughter

Although all doctors agreed she would do nothing.....

I'm fine, but my Mommy has issues!

Raising a daughter with special needs.

Living on the Spectrum: The Connor Chronicles

Our family's adventures in the world of ADHD and Autism.

Parenting And Stuff

Not a "how to be a great parent" blog

don of all trades

Master of none...

The Third Glance

A peek into my (Autistic) mind

One Stitch At A Time

Making my way back in time.

Mom Rants and Comfy Pants

Ramblings From a Veteran Mom Who Hates Skinny Jeans. Ever Feel Like You're Swimming Upstream?

Disability Watchdog

Exposing Injustices for Vulnerable People

My thoughts on a page.

Living, Laughing, Loving, Loathing.

It is Well...with my Soul

Sure, my hands are full. So is my HEART!

Chopping Potatoes

And other metaphors for motherhood

This is the Corner We Pee In

Bulletins from the Parenting Trenches...

clotildajamcracker

The wacky stories of a crazy lady.

This is the place

visiting places where writers were born, lived, loved & are buried.

motherslittlesteps.com/

Motherhood and Coastal Living

%d bloggers like this: